A couple is being dragged online for asking their friends to cover the increased bill for their group vacation after they decided their daughter should come along with them—and get her own bedroom.
A member of one of the other couples, u/Accomplished_Luck907, shared their side of the story to the r/AmITheA****** subreddit, earning 9,600 upvotes and 1,600 comments for their post, “[Am I the A**hole] for changing my mind about splitting the cost of our group vacation equally?”
The original poster (OP) says that they and their husband are friends with two other couples who have regularly gone on group vacations for a week every summer. Though all three couples have children, the trips are usually kid-free, to allow them to “reconnect and decompress.” They always split the cost of the lodging evenly three ways, typically looking for a home with three bedrooms.
For next year’s vacation, they’re going to a location known for its seashells. But the 12-year-old daughter of one of the couples is interested in seashells and begged to be included. Though the OP admits it’s “not ideal,” all the couples agreed the young girl can come.
The rental cabin they initially found had one room with two queen beds, and the other couples thought this would be fine—but the couple with the daughter balked, saying they’d need alone time away from the kid. So they found a more-expensive home with four bedrooms, and told the couple they’d be paying extra for the additional bedroom.
The OP says that they weren’t expecting the couple to pay half of the rental cost, merely their previously agreed-upon third, plus the difference between the three-bedroom home and the four-bedroom. The couple balked again, accusing the others of “burdening them financially because they want to give their daughter an experience.”
While the OP and their husband don’t think they should pay for the added cost, the other couple says they should “this one time to keep the peace.”
Going on vacation can be expensive, but one nice thing about going with friends is that it can lessen the financial burden—but only when everyone pays their fair share. Unfortunately, that can prove to be a sticking point when everyone has their own different needs.
For example, one woman didn’t want to pay full cost to rent a cottage with their friends for a week, because she could only stay for three days. One mother-in-law sent her family members a list of potential accommodations that could hold everyone coming on their upcoming trip—without telling them that she was booking her own private room, leaving them with the added cost.
However, it’s not just an added cost that can cause trouble on vacation. One man was slammed for insisting his girlfriend pay equally for an “expensive” vacation—even though he makes more than three times her salary. And in a very similar situation to the OP’s, a woman insisted that since her children don’t have jobs, the other adults going on the trip should cover their costs as well.
Debra Roberts, LCSW, author of The Relationship Protocoltold News week that the couple couldn’t “change the rules” and then expect everything else to be the same.
“That’s not okay. In these situations, at the very least, they need to have a conversation ahead of time to see if everyone else is on board with their new plan. And if not, they might have to make other arrangements,” Roberts said. “It is no longer a three-way split if they require another room to accommodate their child. Even if the other adults agreed the child could come on the trip, the couple who turned it into a family vacation should definitely incur the additional cost. It is inconsiderate to think otherwise.”
The denizens of Reddit agreed with Roberts’ take on the situation.
“[Not the A******]. ‘The third couple think we should split the bill this one time to keep the peace.‘ Nope. Never set a precedent. They will expect you to adhere to it every time. Stick to your guns. If they want to split it evenly they can stick with one room. In fact please show them the responses – they have a lot of gall to think everyone else should subsidize their extra room,” u/Johnny-Fakehnameh wrote in the top-rated comment, with over 17,800 upvotes.
“The precedent of bringing a child is way worse in my opinion. It can only go downhill from here,” u/olagorie added.
“If she loves sea shells then her parents need to bring her some back from their adults only vacay,” u/Necessary_Device_227 suggested.
“[Not the A******] also it doesn’t sound fun for anyone to bring a 12 year old on an adult trip,” u/Susccmmp wrote.
“I wonder what that couple with the 12 year old would do if someone else wanted to take their kid, and then you needed 5 rooms. It’s simple math. I wouldn’t pay the extra. Quite frankly, them bringing a child is going to change the whole dynamic of the trip. I am a mom and I get it – but time and place. Good luck to you,” u/Signal_Violinist_995 wrote.
“[Not the A******] If they want to give their daughter the experience, they pay for it,” u/melOoooooo wrote.
News week reached out to u/Accomplished_Luck907 for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.
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